Not so often one gets to tie their idols.
In general it is true that not so often one gets to tie anyone, but even in the small world of shibari, where tying is basically normal, tying your idol is definitely rare. And when I say Idol I don’t mean just someone you admire, definitely I don’t mean a music idol. I mean an idol in the biblical sense. Someone to worship.
I met Sayako a few years ago, probably not that long ago in the big scheme of things. I was at the Brightness festival 4 years ago, doing a rope installation in the middle of the dance floor, when a person came and asked me if I knew Sayako. He was Max. I didn’t know him either, but we ended up becoming friends and shooting together a few times. At that point I didn’t know Sayako, but I knew her work. I was happy someone asked me about her, somehow I felt like I could meet her soon, like I was in the right place at the right time.
Later on I don’t remember how it happened, but Sayako and I ended up meeting. I think it must have been through our common friend SeiRa. Or maybe we just knew each other all along and that’s why the exact moment doesn’t really exist. I think Sayako came to a couple of our events, and eventually she started being an essential part of them. I remember her stunning decorations and her memorable performances. The party we did at OR comes to mind. We also created an installation together. It was a Shimenawa with LEDs that I think is the best installation I have ever made.
Before I met Sayako I already admired her because she was (and she is still today) the first person who represented something I felt clearly but I could not see. That rope is much more than BDSM. That rope connects with an ancient way of being that definitely did not start with hojo-jutsu. That rope is not a tool for punishment but a tool for gratitude, as Sayako would say, a tool for prayer.
Sayako doesn’t even call herself a shibari artist, and instead uses the concept of musubi artist. This continues to be to this day the main topic of our conversations, often in the car when we are going to some remote mountain to do some strange thing such as getting inside a cave casted by lava around a tree that burned and disappeared (a story for another day).
Sayako uses ropes as ceremonial objects, and doesn’t use classical shibari patterns that so often resemble imprisonment. Instead, her style is like an elaborated koshihimo, like wearing a kimono without kimono, or rolling an Obi without fabric. Sayako is also deeply immersed in the hemp, jomon, and shinto heritage. She is knowledgeable not only about the history of these traditions, but also actively participates in their contemporary continuations, such as the Najomon event in the Jomon museum of Niigata.
Anyway, this is Sayako, she went from being a person I admired in the distance, to being a close collaborator, a friend, and today, a family member, after she officiated the wedding of Ai and me.
Still, we never had a chance to tie together in a setup that was not artistic.
One day she told me that she would like to have a session with me. She was so serious and respectful about it that she even tried to pay for it. Anyway, we met at the studio. She brought amazake and waraimochi. She was wearing an impeccable kimono with a pattern of asanoha. I think we didn’t talk much. I asked her to remove the Obi so she could feel the ropes better, and she took her kimono off and wore an inner juban. I asked her if she would like me to cover her eyes, and to kneel on the tatami.
I am used to tying a lot of people, mostly strangers without much experience in Shibari, or who are completely new to ropes. I also tie a lot with the performers I work with regularly, who are used to enduring the most challenging postures for prolonged times and bear the most rough materials. However, I rarely tie someone with a deep knowledge of her body and the effect of ropes, in a therapeutic session. This was not a workshop for a client, it was not a performance for an audience. This was a session for Sayako.
But it was not Sayako the idol, not Sayako the artist, not Sayako the friend.
From the start she was breathing deeply. I didn’t have to make an effort to find her rhythm, and her strong and delicate arms rapidly followed mine. The session itself was quite long, at times she was very energetic and I even struggled to follow her power. In particular I remember I was bringing her neck back and she started raising her pelvis towards a bridge position. Usually this movement has a big impact, but I guess for her this was just the beginning. Eventually she found peace and the session transcurred normally.
I actually don’t remember much, as always, my head went somewhere else. But I do remember at the very end, instead of finishing the session, I felt a bit more was needed. After bringing her up from a tie on the floor, I put her down again and tied her legs to her back. She then started talking. I was not very sure what she was saying, but it was very obvious she was not talking to me. I continued paying more attention, making sure that everything was under control, and eventually came back up.
After I untied her I had to leave the studio quickly for another meeting with Kinoko as we were in the midst of UNBOUND preparations (apparently it was a day for idols). We could not talk much, but she quickly mentioned something about a snake and also about a god, something I did not really understand. I asked her if she could write it down later. She sent me a drawing and an explanation. And she wrote a post in her blog about the session (original in Japanese).
I went to receive a shibari session from Pablo, my fellow rope artist, whom I respect more than anyone in the universe.
Usually I am the one offering, so I was excited.
After the session, I was reborn.
Pablo is a wonderful artist who turns rope into art and meditation.
UNBOUND at WOMB, organized by him and his partner Ai, is an event loved by many people as a gathering of beautiful expression that shows rope beyond BDSM.
His session was, above all, full of gentleness.
For around two hours, I was tied with natural rope in various positions, including partial suspension.
I was invited into the feeling of being wrapped by a large body, as if I were inside an ocean of love.
At first, there were moments that felt difficult. But as I changed the posture, I gradually found a good position. It became pleasant, and I had the feeling of seeing my life flash before my eyes.
I also saw a vision of snakes mating. Rope coming from the image of snakes mating, male and female intertwined like rope. The two snakes stretched out in a coil. When I saw that coil from above, it became the body of a dragon. Then it changed into five colors.
The vision was that a dragon is a gathering of snakes.
And Pablo felt to me like Fudō Myōō, who may torment you with rope, but also may save you and lift you up.
Fudō Myōō holds rope in his hand.
He also felt like Shiva, the god of destruction and rebirth.
When our breathing began to synchronize, I felt an incredible love coming through.
There were also quiet, peaceful, slow moments of shanti, where the gentle friction of the rope and the energy from his fingertips came together, and I felt as if I were melting.
By the way, the pain in my neck from bad sleeping also felt clear afterward.
And maybe because it was around the full moon, my period came too!
More than anything, through a power of compassion beyond man and woman, I felt loved and loving.
As the rope was being untied, I quietly cried with emotion, feeling grateful to have received such circulation in this moment.
My approach to rope and my practice of musubi are different, but I felt again with certainty that the root and the place where we arrive are the same.
Thank you for such a rich time.
I love Pablo and his family.
Please experience his world.
Sayako Shiratori
Now I read the note and I feel a bit embarrassed. Her experience was so rich and filled with content. I was on the other hand empty. I only felt at the beginning the need to calm my nerves, would I be able to meet the expectations? Thankfully the ropes soon did their magic and I could silence my inner voice.
But Sayako was having a visually rich experience. I again felt I have much to learn from her. How can I open my internal eye that remains closed (as I suffer from aphantasia)? How can I go deeper into the world guided by its spirit rather than its logic? I have the experience of doing so, briefly, occasionally, in the mud, while Sayako is dancing high in the sky hanging out with the flying snakes.
On the other hand, I was able to provide this experience to her. Was I? She told me I was Fudō Myōō with ropes in his hand, but I just felt like a kid playing with fire. Whatever I can think or feel is much smaller than reality. Whatever I can possibly conceive is way less impressive than reality itself. I don’t want to harness the world, I just want to ride it.
I am a kid playing with fire. I am not the fire. I don’t control it, or own it, I don’t even make it. I just happen to be at the other side of the torch, mesmerized by its power.
I think about Prometheus. Maybe his sin was not to steal the fire from the gods, but to believe someone (even the gods) can own such a power.
Thank you very much for reading Rope Meditations.
Pablo Aida